Thursday, August 23, 2012

Girls, Guns and Glory - Casting the Female Version of The Expendables

I recently read that the Hollywood PTB (Powers That Be) are planning on making a female version of The Expendables. This got my action movie lovin' heart racing and I started planning my dream cast and storyline in my head, which kind of follows below. The actresses are all similarly aged to their male counterparts in Stallone's muscle fest and are all (mostly) top-notch actresses to boot. What do you think? Who would you cast?

The Leader: Pam Grier 
Who else could it possibly be?

Known for: Coffy, Foxy Brown, Jackie Brown.
 Kicks ass with: Her sass, her mitts and some gats. 

Her trusted sidekick: Milla Jovovich
She and Pam Grier have a mother-daughter relationship.

Known for: The Resident Evil movies, Fifth Element and Ultraviolet.
Kicks ass with: Lots and lots of guns. 

Her formerly-trusted-now-rogue sidekick: Asia Argento
 Asia used to be Pam Grier's right hand woman before she decided she didn't give a fuck anymore.

Known for: Land of the Dead, XxX, The Last Mistress and Boarding Gate.
Kicks ass with: Anything at her disposal - guns, knives, high heels, etc.

Pam's support system: Gina Carano
She'll knock you into the next century.

Known for: Haywire and being a Muay Thai champion.
Kicks ass with: Her mad Muay Thai skills.

Pam's support system: Zoe Bell
 The comic relief and all-around bad ass. Oh, and her mother is Pam's worst enemy.

Known for: Death Proof, Whip It, working with Quentin Tarantino and being the best stunt woman in the biz.
Kicks ass with: Her mighty muscles and adorable personality.

The Wise One: Maggie Cheung 
Pam's conscience. She supplies her with top secret info and fashion advice.

Known for: It would take too long to explain, so please just check out her filmography. You should watch The Heroic Trio RIGHT NOW.
Kicks ass with: Asian super powers.

Pam's Old Rival #1: Joanne Nail

Pam's Old Rival #2: Sigourney Weaver
Sigourney, Pam and Joanne used to be best friends. Now they just trade secrets from time to time.

Sigourney is known for: The Alien franchise and countless others.
Kicks ass with: Whatever she can get her hands on.

Joanne is known for: Switchblade Sisters.
Kicks ass with: Switchblades and her mousy voice.

Asia's Aunt/Former Enemy: Lucy Lawless
When Asia decides she doesn't give a fuck anymore, she turns to her Aunt Lucy for guidance. Auntie suggests she joins forces with Pam's most bitter enemy.

Known for: Xena: Warrior Princess, Spartacus TV show.
Kicks ass with: Her warrior princess powers. 

Pam's Most Bitter Enemy: Cynthia Rothrock
She and Pam were girls together and best pals until Cynthia betrayed her. Needless to say, Cynthia isn't very fond of Pam for mentoring her daughter, Zoe.

Known for: Being an Asian cinema super star and working with director Cory Yuen a lot.
Kicks ass with: Her five black belts.

Cynthia's Sidekick: Lucy Liu
She grunts a lot.

Known for: The Charlie's Angels movies, Kill Bill vol. 1, Alley McBeal.
 Kicks ass with: Martial arts, guns and being quick like a bunny.

Their Heroine: Helen Holmes
Every lady in this movie will occasionally reference Helen Holmes who they affectionately call Grandma.

Pam Grier's Super Hot Latino BF: Javier Bardem
I mean, if Sly can get  Gisele ItiĆ©, why can't Pam have Javier? Eh?

Milla's Super Sensitive BF/Buffy the Vampire Slayer Cast Alum: James Marsters

There you have it. I have the foundation for the storyline forming in my head, but I don't quite have all the pieces put together. What do you think it should be? 

1 comment:

  1. Such interesting photos! Nice work, more power to you!